top of page
  • Amaiya Kiara Rucker

Single and Waiting on God’s Best

Updated: Apr 6, 2020

My dating story:

To all my ladies, let’s chat! Most of us can agree that we have found ourselves in relationships we had no business being in right?! That pretty much explains every relationship I had ever been in while in high school. I only had a few high school relationships and I only dated them because I was lonely and liked the attention. My feelings always ended up getting hurt by the guy cheating. It was ALWAYS some mess.

I’ve always been pretty sensitive and afraid to get my feelings hurt because I knew I would shut down. Whenever I would go through breakups, all I would do is cry in my bed and listen to sad songs. It would make me feel sick to my stomach and make it hard to focus on my school work. The healing would take FOREVER because most times I would let time heal me, while I would watch them move on… like right after. Looking back, although those relationships hurt at the moment, I’m glad I went through them. It taught me what I didn’t want to ever experience again: Heartbreak and dating outside of God’s best for me.

By the end of my senior year of high school, I was fully healed and I prayed that I wouldn’t have a boyfriend until after college. I definitely didn’t want anything to interfere with my school work. In my eyes, there is no point in dating just to have someone around. What’s the point of dating a random you probably won’t marry when you could be using that time to work on YOU? I realized my worth and knew I wanted to get married one day. I prayed that the next guy who came along would be who God had for me.

So since that was my prayer, and I felt at peace about it, that’s what I expected walking into college.

Now… uhh, things didn’t go as planned. My first two years of college, I was content sometimes with not dating until after college. Then there were times where I would get bored and want a “friend”. There was a guy here and there but It would never end up being anything… mostly because God would end it before it would begin. I also would just know the guys wouldn’t be worth my time. The Holy Spirit’s conviction was ON POINT!

So then my Junior year came around😅…

By that point, my relationship with Christ was stronger than ever. It was 8 months of pure contentment in my single season with God. I remember talking to God and telling Him how content I was and I didn’t have a desire for a boyfriend.

Then about a month later, I ended up meeting and dating a guy who I thought could be “the one”. (I didn't even think about how I shouldn’t have a boyfriend until after college) He was really different from all the other guys I had ever dated. When we met, I believed that maybe God was like, “Okay scratch the plan, this is it.” but God definitely didn’t say that. He actually said, “let it go, I am not in this! If you continue in this, it’s only going to be harder to let go and heal.” Then I thought if I could change him and make him want to be more like Christ, then it would be okay. But I ended up being the one who changed. I was less like Christ and more like him and this world. I was so focused on my relationship with the guy, that I became oblivious to what God was saying about it. I made an idol out of that guy and looked to him to fill my voids. I created a strong, ungodly soul tie because I decided to lose my virginity to him. That pulled me farther away from God and made it way harder for myself. Whenever I would go to God and ask for clarity about my calling, He would remind me that I wasn’t being obedient with step 1, which was to end that relationship. That would be all that He would say to me. Y’all, I would be torn up when He would say that because I didn’t want to break up with Him. I didn’t want to deal with hurting the guy and trying to heal from that. (I knew it would be a process to heal and sever the soul tie).

After a few months, things got worse and worse for me internally. It was selfish of me to continue with something I knew wasn’t from God just because I didn’t want to deal with the emotions afterward. God wasn’t going to give me clarity on what to do with my life if I wasn’t being obedient to the first thing He said to do. I knew I lost myself in that relationship and God was pulling me back to Him. I let go of my ex so that God could work on him and I separately.

"Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is. Dear children, don’t let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it shows that they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God." 1 John 3:6-9

Ending it was hard and trying to heal was harder, but God was my source of comfort. I pressed into His presence like never before. I learned firsthand that God uses our bad decisions to bring glory to Him. It was when I ended that relationship that I felt a great weight off my shoulders. I felt at peace again. And not even a month after, God told me my next assignment: to start a blog and write for Him.

God taught me so much while being in that relationship and I want to share what I learned:

  • A man will never fill your internal voids and waiting for him to do that will only leave you disappointed and feeling empty. Only God can fill our voids. {Psalms 63:1-5}

  • Trying to force someone to be at the same level as you spiritually won’t work. Everyone grows their relationship with Christ at different times. The person has to truly want to have a relationship with Christ for themselves!

  • When God has His hand on you, whenever you try to do things outside of His will, it will never work and you will never have peace.

Out of all the heartache and relationships I had, I learned the most from this one. I gained a stronger connection with Christ. I learned how to truly be content with being single and waiting for God’s best for me. I learned that I CAN’T afford to move on my own. I need God to help me make the right decisions.

Waiting for God’s best is not just waiting for the right person, but also His timing. So if God is pushing you to be single and focused on Him, then just rest. Don’t force something that shouldn’t be. He will send who He has for you when He feels you are ready. You will know he is God’s best because you will feel at peace.

While we wait for God’s best, let’s get focused on becoming who He has created us to be! I’ll be rooting for all of you!

Amaiya K ♡

bottom of page