• Amaiya Kiara Rucker

Remaining Faithful While Waiting: Life Update

Updated: Apr 6, 2020

I wanted to share a life update on how things have truly been this summer. I’ve been dealing with a lot of ups and downs, but I finally recognize what God has been doing, and I am ready to share.

This summer, in particular, has been very unpleasant and difficult to get through at times. I didn’t feel fulfilled at my internship, nor was I happy with my living situation. On top of all of this, I felt alone. I wasn’t surrounded by a Godly community or hardly anyone. I felt isolated in my unpleasant circumstances. I was thankful for what I did receive in this season, but NOTHING had gone how I imagined it would go. To be honest, I was a little upset with God. I felt played. I was doing all I knew I needed to do for Him, but nothing had worked out.

I have addressed doubt/worry and how to overcome it in numerous posts in the past, but honestly, it was something I still struggled with. With my unpleasant circumstances, I would doubt if God was actually with me. It seemed like one day I would be encouraged and empowered. But then the next day I would get discouraged while focusing on my shortcomings. I knew that He was a great God and would easily bless other people, but couldn’t receive it for myself. This eventually made me believe I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough to receive what I was trusting God for.

So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. {1 Peter 5: 6-8}

I have literally seen God come through for me in every area of my life. I have seen him carry me through the hard seasons and I would always come out stronger on the other side. So… why did I all of a sudden believe that God couldn’t do it again?

Once again, my eyes were on my circumstances and not on God. The enemy was planting lies and instead of casting them down, I allowed them to grow and plant other harmful seeds. I was so buried by worry that I wasn’t being intentional to have my guard up. This would cause me to feel depressed and anxious at times.

I broke down one day and considered prescription medication to deal with my anxiety. Depression and anxiety is something that runs in my family, and I thought it was something that I had taken on too. I felt the Lord at that moment speak to me and tell me that I didn’t need medication. Instead, I needed unconditional Faith. He’s been trying to work this out of me for months and now I finally realized the root cause… my doubts were based on me having CONDITIONAL faith in God. When things were great, I was great. But when things were bad, I was bad. I knew how to fight back those lies with His word but chose not to because crying felt better than fighting. I was weak and felt defeated at times by the enemy. God met me at that moment and reminded me that He was for me and that this season wasn’t going to last. I needed to be strengthened and learn to have REAL faith. I had to push through so I could come out on the other side stronger. I didn’t have to take on the identity of a person who struggles with anxiety and depression. That wasn’t who God was calling me to be and I had the tools to effectively treat it. I made a decision at that moment to stop entertaining the enemy. Enough was enough. Doubt and worry could no longer be a tactic for the enemy to use on me. God wasn't going to allow me to go around the same mountain any longer.

I began meditating on scriptures about God’s character and believing that what He did before, He would do again.

*Side note: Circumstantial depression is much different from clinical depression. Since my depression and anxiety was stemmed from my circumstances, medicine wasn't the answer for me. I am not saying that a person who is suffering from clinical depression/anxiety shouldn't seek out help and medication.*

“Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” {Joshua 1: 7-8}

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. {Philippians 4:4-7}

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. {Colossians 3:23-24 }

How I fight off Doubt/ Worry/ Depression/ Anxiety:

Instead of focusing and believing the worst, I choose to believe the best. I know, it's easier said than done but nothing good comes out of meditating on your unpleasant circumstances. I wasn’t about to give the enemy ammo to plant any more seeds. Once you replace your “what if” fear with “what if” faith, you will recognize the good in every situation regardless.

Every morning, I ask the Lord to anoint me with the Gift of Faith. I didn’t realize until recently that faith is also a spiritual gift and I wanted to have unconditional faith no matter what. Once I would pray that prayer, I went on with my day with an expectancy that I had the gift and would no longer worry. Try it!

I’m intentional with what I fed my spirit. I chose to fast more often than usual to train my flesh to be obedient to the Holy Spirit. When I would return to certain things that fed my flesh… I would get attacked spiritually and cycles would repeat themselves. What we consume on a daily basis will either feed our flesh or our spirit. I realized that I had to be intentional with consuming things that edified the Holy Spirit. (This applies to TV, MUSIC, etc.) I will have to expand on this in a later blog.

God isn’t uncaring or arbitrary. He is a gracious, loving, and a caring God over all of His children!  

I chose to believe the best for myself and that God was with me regardless. I’m already expecting and I have faith that something greater is coming! I have spoken that over my life and I’m speaking that over yours! He is with you and has not left you! Remember, great wisdom can be obtained by just being still and faithful to where He has you. God is working on your character in the waiting. The pruning and training are necessary for you to move forward into your calling. He wouldn’t bring you to something if He wasn’t going to carry you through it. Don't get discouraged when things don't go your way or how you imagined they would. God is working out His plan for your life and will provide above and beyond what you could ever ask or plan for yourself!

Side note: If worry and anxiety is something that runs in your family, you DO NOT have to claim that for yourself. You should bind and rebuke that generational curse in Jesus name!

Replacing my “What IF” fear with “What IF” faith developed my faith to new heights. This season of pruning and training was hard for me to understand at first but once I overcame the doubting and worrying, I was open to recognizing and receiving what God wanted me to learn. He taught me humility and how to truly work as unto Him. I learned how to have the joy of the Lord in an unpleasant environment. Now I know that if things were just handed to me and went my way, I wouldn’t have had the time or the desire to allow God to work on me. I can see now that God is writing my story so HE can get the glory. Whatever He has for me won’t be by my works, but by HIS power. Things have started to turn around and I feel the Lord transitioning me into something new. He is so faithful and I am so thankful for this season.

There are many other things God has taught me as it pertains to relationships and the Holy Spirit. I will cover those topics in the next few blogs. Stay Tuned!

Amaiya K ♡