Amaiya Kiara Rucker
“God is as close to you in times of your suffering as He is in your times of refreshing”
- Norm Rasmussen
So I’ve been on an unannounced break from my writing and Instagram. School started back for me about a month ago and it has been extremely challenging. Out of my 3 years of being in college, I have never had a workload as intense as it is now. On top of that, working 20 hours a week at my part-time job wasn’t helping. The first week of school wasn’t even over before the feelings of overwhelming sadness and anxiety started to consume me.
I felt hopeless and defeated. I didn't understand how I was supposed to stay on top of my new, hectic, school schedule… on top of working 20 hours a week… while trying to finish a scholarship… and trying to write on here? Things also started to go wrong and I had no control.
Every night I was in my room crying and writing. I was pleading for God to lighten the load I was feeling. I just didn’t understand why I felt so overwhelmed and why things were going wrong. I must be completely honest and say I didn’t trust that God was with me. I was feeling unsure of myself and completely forgotten about by God. I felt like He just left me in the wilderness to fend for myself.
It is honestly wild to think that all the things I’ve said to encourage others out of negative thinking, I was now having to say to myself. I have never been a negative person or one to sulk in my sadness for long. I used to not understand how someone could be so consumed with negative thoughts that they couldn’t escape it with God’s word, but that was where I was. I knew what God’s word said, but I just didn’t believe it for my situation.
Through all of my complaining and stressing, I had created a resting place in my mind for the devil to plant negative seeds. I was so consumed with those negative thoughts/ feelings that there was no room for me to take in what God was saying.
After persistently spending time in His word and reading scriptures like Romans 8:31-39, Romans 5: 3-5, 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, I finally started to feel free from those negative thoughts. I wasn’t just reading these scriptures, but praying for deliverance and to have faith in these words. From this, I realized I wasn’t bound by those negative thoughts that were completely contrary to God’s word. I started speaking life into my situation and praying that God would help me believe it again. I knew I couldn’t stay in that negative space; it wasn’t where I belonged. I am the head and not the tail. I am more than a conqueror! I started to remember who I was in Christ again.
The lessons I’ve learned that I want to share:
-When things start to get overwhelming, just relax. Instead of focusing on all the things that you have to get done, try to focus on one thing at a time in the order that it is due.
-Whenever those negative thoughts come into your mind, ask yourself, “Would God ever say these things about me?” The answer is NO. It is nobody but the enemy trying to tear you down and make you feel unable to do the work of God.
-God is so much greater than your “feelings”. The enemy loves to deceive us through making us feel like God has abandoned us. Don’t believe things that contradict God’s word. Fight back those negative feelings with His word!
-Trust that things will work out, as they always do!
If you’re going through a difficult time right now, be glad and know that a reward from God awaits you.
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." James 1:2-5
Even while things are still pretty difficult, I am no longer stressed but glad. I know what God is trying to work out of me and this is teaching me perseverance and maturity. I am becoming more diligent and managing my time a lot better. It is pushing my faith like never before because I am trusting God to guide me through.
Amaiya K ♡
'Your Difference Is Your Destiny" - DeVon Franklin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JlYHqUdkV8&t=2524s
“When You Feel Overwhelmed” Bible plan study on The Bible App